Kira Versus the Sea

Because!

2011-05-31T11:42:00.002+08:00

For the past few years of my life, I felt like absolute crap. It was such a dry season, with everything that’s going on with our family, and my studies and all. So I would wake up every morning just to survive the next, because, really, I didn’t know what God wants with my life anymore and why he’s still keeping me alive.

But, see, for all the tragic summers that I’ve been through, this summer completely made a whole lot of difference. For all these years that I’ve been asking God, “Hey, are you really there?”, he has finally revealed himself to me in a special way. I have experienced this infallible freedom like never before.

Down on my knees, God reminded me of his great encompassing love. That he sent his one and only son, Jesus, to die on the cross for my loneliness. That he loves me even if I generally suck at life. And that none of my insipid scars could ever make him love me less.

I asked him a big WHY. Why, Lord? Why me? After all I’ve tweeted about my selfishness, and all that I’ve done to make you wince. Why would you still keep me in your palms, and never throw me away?

So he pointed me to the cross, and asked me back, “Do you really have to know why?” He said, “Don’t you see? I took it all. I took all the things you’ve done in the past, all the things that you’re doing now, and all the things that you’ll ever do in the future. And like a bitter pill, I swallowed them all in one single gulp and nailed them on the cross with me. So you’ll never have to feel empty, sad, or lonely. Don’t you see? I love you just because.”

And he reminded me of this song, it says,

Chains be broken.

Lives, be healed.

Eyes, be open.

Christ is revealed.

God has broken my chains—all the things that are holding me back from worshiping him freely. He's telling me, “Sin has no power to condemn you or tell you you’re a loser, because, hey, I already won the war for you.” And because of that, I can let go of all of my issues and insecurities, forget what lies behind, and focus on him alone. Nothing else matters. Nothing else will ever do.

You know what? I will never know why. Why he has set me apart, and has given me an opportunity to seek him all the days of my life. Why he has given me a chance to attend the greatest IGNITE campus conference I’ve ever been to and be so fired up to go back to my campus to be a living vessel/Toki jeepney to bring the students of UP Diliman back to him.

I will never know why. But he will always, always be enough.

Isaiah 43:1 “But now, this is what the Lord says—he who created you… who formed you…: ‘Don’t be afraid, I have redeemed you; I have called your name. YOU ARE MINE 4 …because I love you.”

The truth(s) about me.

2011-04-17T14:25:00.000+08:00

1. I am such a cowgirl, but I once dreamed of becoming a ballerina.

2. I'd like to marry a guy who looks like John Estrada and Richard Gomez.

Uhm, yeah, maybe not...

3. I will name my future pet rabbit Olivia.

4. My coffee should only as hot as it is heated at exactly 30 seconds.

5. I wish I could go back in time to sucker punch my teenage 14 year old self and tell her nothing will happen in six years.

6. I enjoy washing the dishes.

7. I look Chinese on my driver's license.

8. I write when I am out of order.

9. I like listening to Barbershop quartets.

10. Jesus loves me this I know.

FIN.

EASY

2011-04-11T20:08:00.002+08:00

Didn't your momma tell you? You can't go around breaking the hearts of little girls. Didn't your papa tell you? Didn't he show you how to make them feel like they're a part of your world?

And it's so easy... why'd you have to break them rules to my face?

Didn't somebody tell you? You miss out a lot in life if you don't try to open boxes. Didn't he try to convince you? That sometimes what you hope for couldn't be everything it could be.

And it's so easy... why'd you have to go and break my heart and walk away?

And I know that you're mad.
I know that you're sad.
I know you feel lonely.
And sometimes even foolish.

I know it to be true
She's the one for you
I know what you mean, I know what I've seen.

But what am I?

The Way the Cookie Crumbles

2011-03-30T18:45:00.005+08:00

Sometimes, it's just so hard to be a girl. Sometimes you think about that 50-50 percent chance of you being a dude instead, but you missed it. By jove, you just missed it.

Sometimes, horrible things happen like falling pancakes from the sky. You just sit there and you watch pancake rain fall on everything and everybody. And because you forgot your umbrella, there's just nothing else to do but to wait for the world to rain something else.

Sometimes, you memorize names like you think they memorize yours. But a special pop quiz is given, and you find out. Hey. Memorizing means nothing at all.

Sometimes, you look for things under your bed and in the inner corners of your closet, and you find things that takes you to a ride in a time machine. And you not only wish time machines were true, you wish they could help you undo things.

Sometimes, you look at the world. And then you see nothing.

And sometimes, when you send letters to the void, you realize, there's somebody out there after all.

Ten Minute Poetry

2010-11-11T19:52:00.003+08:00

I was already falling asleep in the middle of Biology class, and all of a sudden, our professor asked us that very instant to write a poem on what we think about "Life".

I thought she was kidding. But then it was for real because freshmen people are pulling out their handy dandy yellow pad paper, and we're actually writing poetry on a science subject. So all groggy, I took my pen, and this is what came up:

Life
breathe in, breathe out

a colorless sky
versus the sea is the eye
and the cheshire cat smile
the water deep, the land dry
and fly the linnets high
all that grazes and collides
a man and a wife

a Savior
and a cry.

Anyway, I have to look for funny Shakespeare stuff for show and tell tomorrow. Grade school is really coming back, now isn't it. Here's one:

Guess I know what I'll be asking for this Christmas.

No Substitution like a Substitution

2010-11-02T21:12:00.006+08:00

My younger brother Tj, when he was about five, asked Dad to buy him one of those robodogs he saw on TV. Tj had asthma (he's fine now, but/) so we weren't really supposed to keep any kind of furry pet, which is pretty boring growing up. And since the cold metal robodog technically isn't a ball of allergy (plus, he cried like a perpetual baby), Dad got him one.

It wasn't really as cool as the one he saw on TV. That one's really cool, it can bark and play fetch and dig holes for you (I think), but ours... well, it barked forever and jerked a little. But Tj was so happy he finally got a pet to watch over and love. And everytime it barks in a special way, he'd hold it in his heart and feel the metal springs close to his asthmatic chest and know that certain kind of happiness only a robotic dog could give him.

Okay, so maybe I overacted, but he did think it was the coolest thing ever. Until he got older and got brand new toys, he forgot all about robodog. So one day, it crashed and we dumped it somewhere and couldn't find it anymore when we moved houses away.

And the robodog was such a perfect substitute pet for a kid like my brother. But it was cold, and it couldn't obey and love back a master as Tj because inside it were made of metal too. It could give him happiness, but only for a short while, until he gets tired of it and when cool new Megaman things come around. That dog couldn't replace a real man's best friend.

I guess in some ways, people will always look for that special something to make them happy. Sometimes they end up digging for other things: an indoor swimming pool, a room full of squirrels, Owen Wilson... To make them feel all gushy loved and accepted inside. And because none of these things can truly give them that happiness, they end up miserable fetus inside a bitter box.

But see, there's no substitution for the substitution Jesus did on that cross when you and I are supposed to be up there facing all the painful things he put up with for you and me. He became sin when not a hint of sin could be xray found in his bones (2 Corinthians 5:21). But he did that because he hopes you could experience that everlasting and true joy, acceptance, and love that can only be found in him.

1 John 4:10: This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

You can't find a substitute for a Substitute as awesome as that.

Flutterby.

2010-11-02T19:40:00.001+08:00

Butterflies!
Ferociously fluttering.
One, two, three, four
too many butterflies
in my
stomach.

Do Not Awaken Love

2010-10-19T00:19:00.003+08:00

Solomon's Song of Songs is romantic in epic proportions. Sometimes, I smell sarcasm over that, but nothing is ever lovelier than a man humbly in love with a lady and knightly wooing her through way of love songs.

Maybe I tend to be a little cynic when I talk about it. Basically, while all good men are married, some of them do not even deserve the "gentleman" badge because I don't think a guy would still open and hold the door for you or carry your books for you to the fifth floor. One time even, I was entering the school library and this dude cut me off, and I was like, "Wow."

I'm cynic, because a part of me still believes that somehow, that somebody is out there. Somebody who would sweep me off my feet and carry me away and I would totally not find that creepy at all. Somebody to yell at over petty things and hold close at the end of an impossible day; to watch FRIENDS with and to agree over disagreements: Ross or Joey?

I'm only twenty, but someday, when the perfect time comes, I'm gonna meet this guy at the end of the aisle, and he's gonna smile back at me the way I've always imagined he would.

He's gonna be:

1. a man after God's own heart. Who loves God more than anything. More than he'll ever love me.

2. family-oriented. Who honors and looks up to his dad. Adores his mom. Loves his siblings dearly.

3. a dreamer who has a great goal and focus in mind, and perseveres to attain it. Knows the value of work and diligence.

4. smart and funny. Knows how to carry on a good, meaningful conversation. Who loves to listen and learn new things and can tell the corniest joke ever alive, and still make me develop washboard abs just by laughing.

5. a music buff, and a HUGE one at that. Who can sing and play an instrument or two. Loves the oldies and the Beatles. And picks Hanson over the Moffats.

6. someone who has a big, swelling heart with compassion for people. Respects the waiter or the manong guard.

7. who loves kids. Sure to be the greatest, most awesome dad of my--our--kids.

8. who isn't stuck in an immature emo, hiphop type of scene. Abhors Nike refrigerator Supra shoes. Dresses well and respectably. Looks good in a white T-shirt.

9. The most gorgeous guy I'll ever meet in my entire life and he doesn't even have to work on it. Has the perfect smile to send the tingles in my spine.

10. Even if his breath painfully stinks in the morning, he knows how to make me feel the most blessed girl in the whole wide world, just waking up everyday beside him.

I know what they say about checklists and men not supposed to go together, but if I know what's perfect for myself, then how much more perfect can the guy God has for me be? I can't wait to meet him. Until then,

"Do not awaken love
until it so desires."
- Song of Songs 3:5

Are You a Ned Flanders?

2010-06-23T17:52:00.003+08:00

“When you see Jesus. be sure to call him Mr. Christ!”
- Ned Flanders, the Simpsons

Ned Flanders, you know that guy from The Simpsons in tacky mustache, thick glasses, pink shirt and extra green pullover?

Yeah. That guy.

A lot of people today see Christians as the Ned Flanders of the world. That Christians are people who generally suck at social life, who don't drink or smoke, or watch Rated R movies. People who are corny because they choose not to have sex before marriage. People who are trapped in a bottle of mystical beliefs and whatnot.

That all we need to do is to dress like him to complete the part.

But Christianity isn't like Ned Flanders at all.

When Jesus died on the cross for our sins, it means that he accepts everything that we are and forgets everything that we were. It means that there is no condemnation. In Romans 8:1-2, it says, "¹Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, ²because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death".

If we set in our hearts the faith of what Jesus did for you and me, and if we die to sin and start living for God, that is what we mean by being his disciples. By being a true follower of Christ.

Not being some guy with a mustache.

In The Sun

2010-04-27T18:34:00.002+08:00

She & Him - In The Sun from Merge Records on Vimeo.

While I would always, always wish to be happy, I would always, always in return be reminded of this.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18: "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

It doesn't get better than that.

No Not Remembering

2010-04-02T14:17:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, for me to really ponder about something, I'd have to write about it. For me to really understand, to really take heart and realize, I'd have to open a window that says NEW POST.

And this is what I've thought:

For the past few weeks, life has been especially pathetic. I know, because nothing could ever be more pathetic than what those weeks have offered me. It brought me to my weakest point. To the point where I feared to be in. To the point where I mind not understanding much. To the point where I asked, "Where are you God? Why have you forsaken me?"

I cried. Buckets and buckets of tears all because I allowed the situation to get the best of me. To make my life so utterly miserable like a stray cat in an alleyway singing to a song I'm not sure I can sing. I became weak and tired and lonely and worthless all together. And it's all because I forgot.

I forgot that all the harsh situations in life should not dictate how I feel about God. I ignored the gravity that's pulling me away from him, thinking everything's alright. I forgot that everything will be alright only with him because he has that everything under control. It says in Psalm 26: 14: "Wait for the Lord, be strong and take heart, and wait for the Lord." Because in Psalm 37:4, if you "[d]elight yourself in the Lord, he will give you the desires of your heart."

And this is what I've realized:

James 1: 12: "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receiver the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."

Romans 8: 28: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

You could not not remember. God gave his one and only son to die for my sins (John 3:16) so that I may go and live a life according to his will, according to his purpose and his promise. And his promise is always good, pleasing, and perfect. (Romans 12:2, Jeremiah 29:11)

I didn't deserve this. And God doesn't deserve my ridiculous complaints about life because I'm the only one making it suck humongously. Hence, I have nothing to worry about. I just have to believe and press on. What he has done on that cross should be tied a knot around my finger whenever I feel that way.

I could not not remember.

New Song!

2010-03-30T17:44:00.002+08:00

Check out my MySpace music page for this new song included in my summer demo.

"Lullaby" at http://www.myspace.com/kiradeocampo

Go ahead. Click. :)

Evolution? Try Faith.

2010-03-22T16:05:00.005+08:00

For the foolishness of God is wiser than man’s wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man’s strength.
- 1 Corinthians 1:25

Things get irrationally out of proportion when people talk about where in the world people come from. You know, how did man come about in this world? What is the purpose he’s alive anyway? And it goes on and on until it reaches the word: HOW? How did he come?

And nobody would ever know. None of us would, and that’s something to be sure of.

It’s funny because people try in their silly knowledge to justify everything—thinking they can explain things they know they never can. They travel around the world and study things unheard of and gather all the wisdom they can so they can brag about the philosophers and philosophies they found out, but they can never find the answer to the mystery of it all. And they end up lonely and miserable because they never find what they are looking for.

It’s funny also at how easily people believe in things they can never be sure of. Things that people of their own kind (only a whole lot famous) would cook up and make everyone believe just how credible their ideas are since they’re such sensible people with neckties and silver hair and thick eyeglasses that can disintegrate a poor little ant under the sun. It's preposterous.

That’s one thing about trying to know everything. We think we could find the answer to every single mind-boggling event that happens around us, would endeavor to search the world and, at the end of the day, discover that we are all dead inside.

Not I; not my Natural Science 2 or Anthropology professor; not the researchers; not the scientists; not Charles Darwin; not the monkeys—nobody. To some, it sucks to admit it. It breaks the tiny little hearts of people trying to lean on their own understanding.

"Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made." (John 1:3) How then can our little heads surpass he who in utmost genius created the heavens and the earth and all that is in it? How then could we (the creation) understand the creator?

That’s the point.

The reason why we are so lonely, so apathetic, and so miserable all together is that we cannot believe in anything in this world anymore. That includes ourselves and the people we so put our hope in to find meaning in the direness of it all. If we don’t believe in the “foolishness” of God’s creation, then in whom shall we? In what shall we waste our money, our effort, our utter sanity, our lives searching?

“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” (Hebrews 11:1). This is one thing we can truly hold on to.

Think about it. Believe it.

What Ticks You?

2010-03-15T11:28:00.000+08:00

I had my first KFC Twister just days before today that I am writing this. You know, the Twister everyone’s been talking about? The burrito-like pizza with crunchy chicken and cheesy goodness inside?

Well. I didn’t like it.

Yeah, sure, the pepperoni was semi-awesome, but the chicken went unnoticed. Not to mention the sauce was incredibly dry like it had been cooked days before I ordered it.

And I was so excited about eating my very first KFC Twister, and it just left me in disappointment all thanks to the commercial promising me that it’s the best thing ever.

Now I’m not trying to be a magnificent food critic or anything, but since this post is about what ticks me, or stresses me at that point, then that’s partly where I start.

Life is like eating a KFC Twister. Sometimes, when you expected too much, when you’ve been wishing the sauce wouldn’t be so dry or the chicken half-crunchy, and everything you’ve wished for is exactly what it’s not, then you are sent to a rocket of utter insanity and frustration to a planet that’s gonna blow off any moment now.

And you toss and turn at night; you just couldn’t sleep, just because of that misfire. Oh how you wish you did not expect too much and did not believe too much on the advertisement that shows the pizza slowly being rolled into a burrito and the girl blurting “Sawrap!” at the end of the clip.

Oh how you wish the traffic would not be so evil when you are down to your last minute of having the chance to not be late on an appointment—yet again. Oh how you wish your general subject professor wouldn’t make you feel like you’ve already transferred to their department as a major in it. Oh how you wish your neighbor didn’t have to be so deaf that he couldn’t hear himself singing karaoke blasted to the whole neighborhood or that his stereo isn't louder than the voices in your head.

Oh how you wish the boy who you expected too much to say goodbye to you with that mesmerizing half-smile and that carefully winked eye did not have to be the one who’s leaving you cold down your bones in an incredibly warm summer day when he just passed you by like you do not exist at all so you write about how irrationally inconsistent he was that you practically do not know him anymore when you should be writing the proper way about stress and perhaps moreso dealing with it.

Yes. Stress makes life beautiful.

@KFC, I'm sorry. I still love you.

Face Book

2010-02-07T11:57:00.000+08:00

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_______Gusto ko lang malamann mo
na hi----
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Dear Greta

2010-02-02T19:06:00.000+08:00

Dear Greta,
you know I wouldn't be able
to write about you,
or to name you for who
you truly are
or to call you for what--
You scratched my car!
You know I wouldn't be able
to sing about the day
I found about you,
or the time you took
the jar from the shelf
just because you can be
You, Greta.
You know I wouldn't be able
to paint his face again,
or trace the outline of his eyes.
You bleached the canvass.
You lied, Greta.
Now how I know
When I wouldn't be able to dance
or unstitch my lids to see,
I count to ten
And then, I'll know
It's you, Greta.

020210 2:10pm
Still working on it.

Nostalgia/Lame Title

2010-01-24T00:53:00.001+08:00

Hello. It is me, Kira. And it has been a LOOONG time since I wrote a blog post here. Funny that I almost forgot I actually have a multiply account.

Anyhow, should you find it weird for me to admit that I have been going through my other posts--stuff that I wrote when I was incredibly un-sweet 16, don't. Nostalgia isn't to be said. It is to be felt. Such a word, isn't it? Nostalgia.

It kinda reminds me of my nose bridge. Like when you sniff something, and you're like: oh I'm feeling nostalgic already!

But what's funny about it is that with nostalgia, you can actually see how much things have changed. How things before are way, WAAAAAAAAY different than how things are going today.

In precisely seven months, I shall be turning 20. And I know it's pretty early for me to worry that I am ACTUALLY no longer to be considered a teen, I must say that things have changed. Things have, indeed, changed for me.

I no longer write about my English professor who happened to be my "crush". Or the boy who said this and that. Or how my salad tasted like. Or how Gateway was the best place ever. Even the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me, like falling face down from the FX.

The downside is, I forget. I forget things when I should have blogged it down, or pasted it on my forehead. I can't remember the last time I felt horrible and happy at the same time. And that's one of the things I used to love to write. And now I write about the most hideous things like papers or the Boy Made of Pandesal.

But the good part--the part where Owen Wilson comes in, things are changing for the better. Sure, things are just... wack. They are, but just for now. Now that I am slowly growing and maturing. Like learning how to walk for the very first time, and feeling very afraid to take that step when you might fall (yet again). And still, for some reason, undoubtedly know there's something very awesome beyond that step.

Sometimes, I do feel afraid. But I remember what God said in James 1:2-4 that "whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy... Your endurance has a chance to grow... For when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything." Complete, and lacking nothing.

And that's what I am most holding on to. That's what we all should.

"I'm in repair. I'm not together, but I'm getting there." - John Mayer

Brandon

2010-01-04T09:29:00.000+08:00

"You are
not the one for me!"
says the girl,
"I belong
to a Willoughby."
And she twirls
away and sinks
in his artistry.

The girls dance
in accordance
to his melody.
He paints
their cheeks red;
eyes green with envy.
He leads them
to the meadows
And across the symmetry
of roses,
and daffodils, carnation
All a-glee.
He carries them
from their ankles
broken unpleasantly.
Ang sings
to their slumber
close and witty.
He brightens
their eyes; they laugh
in morning's sincerity.

And when he
blinks in sadness
rose they in sympathy.
Yet daybreak comes
to steal away
their gentle Willoughby.
And they--
the girls,
in despair and cloak
Weep ever so
in misery.

"You are
the one for me!"
says the girl,
"I do not belong
to a Willoughby."

15 Dec 2009
Yes, I have been trying to write again.

SINUNGALING.

2009-01-25T16:12:00.000+08:00

I lied.
Stitched my back against a wall.
As I fend for a twisted act,
Your phantom scorching my skin.
To my tortured veins;
To my drastic fall.
Pretensions stay bottled in a syringe.
A venom that blunts...
Every attempt to surface.
A chamber that smolders...
Every last breath.
Still indifferent.
Still lying.
Still cold.

You lied.
Upon the shift of your sail,
You wave me to fret.
An island you promised,
But in a metaphorical snap,
You never wept.
With such credibility do I admire you
A fiction that precipitates...
The stream over my eyes.
A gun that blazes...
The sick joke inside.
Still indifferent.
Still lying.
Still cold.

WHY GOD SAID NO.

2008-12-03T15:42:00.000+08:00

"I just got far better plans fer you."

LUNGKOT NAMAN.

2008-11-25T16:24:00.000+08:00

Kung iyon ang tingin mo, mali ang inaakala mo.
Nawalan tuloy ako ng kaibigan. Yo!

Hey boys and girls, it's the frickin sixth day of November!

2008-11-06T15:45:00.000+08:00

TODAY I learned...

1. How to be assertively right by speaking up to that line-cutting jerk. Well kind of.

2. That I won't be taking Spanish units this sem.

3. That the UP system of CRS only works with sweat. And perseverance of blah. I bored myself.

4. THAT THE WORLD IS A BROKEN BONE.

5. That I have no plans of eating at McDonalds any time soon.

6. That my iPOD JAMMED AND iTUNES DELETED EVERYTHING IN IT.

7. How to talk dumb.

8. How to pretend dumb.

9. How to talk to really cute guys by acting dumb.

10. How to BE dumb.

11. How to piss off road drivers by hysterically blinding them with headlights.

12. How to knock it off and get a life.

13. How to be comic and cold at the same time.

14. WALA NA KONG iPOD. Meaning, over the top boring bent trip car drives. Life is suweeet!

15. That I am totally unprepared for tomorrow.

TOMORROW...

1. Is officially the first day of the second semester.
2. And I hafta look for an outfit.

I MISS SCHOOOOOOL.

2008-11-02T16:52:00.000+08:00

Grabeng tagal nitong sembreak na to. So fricken bored. Tama naaa. :((

YEAH.

2008-10-11T10:48:00.000+08:00

Must be the post banging of delusional doldrums.
Quite disastrous too.
But we feelin good baby.
Yeah, we do. (:

Eto nalang.

2008-09-07T17:42:00.000+08:00

Apir nalang tayong lahat. Wuhooo. (:

NEW SONG UP ON MYSPACE!! (:

2008-08-30T16:51:00.000+08:00

Hey, guys. Just uploaded the full version of the song I wrote with my kuya Jigs Vista called "Summer Romance" on my new myspace account. It was recorded some months ago in San Juan with Sir Raymond and Project Fort (Zig Zuñiga, Trish, and Daniel). Anyhow, I really hope you could find time to hear it. Really, REALLY, REALLLLLLLYYY do.

The link is: www.myspace.com/kiradeocampo.

That's www.myspace.com/kiradeocampo.

You got it right, www.myspace.com/kiradeocampo.

And I will be awfully thankful and feel all special inside. Thankyousoooomuch. Let's support indie music! LOL. (:

Oh, oh oh. Add me up too.

www.myspace.com/kiradeocampo

Okay, so you get it already. Hurraah.

Love, Kira. (:

I HIDEOUSLY LOVE YOU.

2008-08-24T16:12:00.000+08:00

And he told me, "You are amazing." (:

Rakstar Ka Kasi.

2008-08-21T17:16:00.000+08:00

Sorry. Natatawa lang talaga ako pag naaalala ko ang sinabi mo. Apir.

UGH.

2008-08-20T16:49:00.000+08:00

Would somebody just shoot me already. Thankyouverymuch. :)

WHY DO PEOPLE NEED BOXES?

2008-08-15T14:44:00.000+08:00

I guess they have a few rather stupid things to keep for themselves. Terribly nuff said.

SI RICO! Si Rico yan!

2008-08-10T17:20:00.000+08:00

Isang malaking panaginip.

Sa ilalim ng aking isip.

Sinong naniniwala?

Sinong naaantala?

Tigilan ang kalokohan.

Nang-lalason lamang.

Walang kwenta.

Walang langis.

Isang panaginip lamang.

OH MY GULAY.

2008-08-06T11:23:00.000+08:00

Wow. Sa wakas, nakapag-blog naren ako. Sa totoo lang, wala naman akong ginagawa, pero lagi kong sinasabing busy ako. Ngayong busy na talaga ako, wala nang maniniwala saken.

Ayon. Isa lang masasabi ko. Isang tawag lang ako at peksman, ako ang sasagot. Mag-ingat, minsan nalalason lang ako. Pasensya na. Apir.

A Mental Calculation on Surfacing Dismay.

2008-07-07T15:50:00.000+08:00

Now that they've finally captured you and your imminence, how must you propose to escape? :)

STALKING IS SO HACKIN FUN. :)

2008-07-02T14:49:00.000+08:00

Ohhh boyyy do I missed stalking. Yipeeeeee! Tomorrow is Thursday, and you know what that means. Imma stalk me some Francis (memo from last post) again. Alfrickinriiight!! :))

Matic or Manual?

2008-06-30T09:13:00.000+08:00

My eighteenth birthday would probably be 30 days away from now, and instead of the original plan of wasting bucks on a debut, my dad gave me one good deal of a choice between that one-night fancy event (which may or may not turn out the way I would like it to be... like) and a what-you-could-use-for-five-years car. After a couple of days setting my mind to crash mode of which I would pick, I reckoned it would really be best (and well, rational) to take the car.

Before I knew it, I grew interested in tons of different vrooms. From Toyoties to Hondies to Fordies to Chevies. Also part of understanding the world of cars would be knowing the two types of transmission, and as we all know, the automatic and manual.

To all of us, an automatic car would seem a whole lot easier to learn and get along with than that of the manual. It gets really messed up if you're not yet that equipped of manning a manual car. Although it would apparently help learning to, others would rather consider a matic for safety and other must-be-infallible reasons.

We could totally relate this to our Christian lives. The same way most people would choose to man their own lives or being rather automatic than having faith in letting God take over is because they think it's, well, easier that way.

They think deciding for themselves, following their own rules, and conforming to the worldly standards can keep them safe, painless, and bullet-proof. Why should they risk surrending when they would be off-guard without the smooth sailing course they already have? Of course, "smooth" doesn't mean it "stays smooth". It will only be a matter of time to realize that it's all downhill from here.

Having God drive your life may seem to tamper you pride at first. A whole lot of effort to let it go too. Plus, you may encounter not one but many bumps along the hackin road more than you expect. But if we just pull over and think real hard, we see that God can manuever better than we think we can. He can sustain your clutch, hit the breaks when it gets messed up, and push the pedal straight ahead to what He has planned for you, and not going around in circles trying to find a way out Baguio City.

Learning how to drive a manual is like learning to be manual for God. It may be tricky at first, and you do need to get used to it, but you'll come a lot more invulnerable in case of emergency. :)

PS: Car arrives tonight.

SANA LANG MAY PASOK SA TUESDAY.

2008-06-22T15:02:00.000+08:00

Okaaaaaay. Here's the chase. I have this MAJOR (major talaga, as in) crush with this guy in one of my classes. Sobra talaga. One time, I sat infront of him pa sa may CAL, tapos I tried making papansin by calling my mom on the phone and accidentally napapalakas yung boses ko. Feeling ko naiistorbo ko na sha. Kasi, men, nag-aaral sha. NAG-AARAL. Haha.

I get EXTREMELY nervous pag papasok na sha sa class. Ang nakakatawa pa dun, he wears glasses den. Coincidence mygash! LOL, wahoho. Sa totoo lang nga, I actually prayed to God pa to get a chance to know him. Seryoso.

Sana nga may pasok talaga sa Tuesday kasi naman noh! Dalawang beses sa isang linggo ko lang sha nakikita. Walang aangal. Maawa naman kayo.

Sana he gets to notice me den.

Sana den. Sana he's not gay. HAHA.

GRABE, ANO BANG POST TO. WALANG KWENTA ANG ARTE KO. AHAHAHAH. :)

Spongebob Scarepants.

2008-06-08T17:43:00.000+08:00

Ito ang eksakto kong gagawin. Dadalawin ko sha. Dadalawin ko sha sa Krispy Kreme. At mag-oorder ako ng anim na pirasong Original Glazed na doughnuts at isang tasang kape. Pagkatapos noon, uupo kami magkaharap at kakausapin ko sha.

Sasabihin ko sakanya, "Alam mo ba?" At ang sasabihin niya saken, "Ano?"

"Alam mo ba, isang malaking himala ang nangyayari saken. Isang malaking himala." Ang sagot ko sa kanya.

"Anong himala ito?" Tatanongin niya saken.

"Isang himala na hindi ako makapaniwala."

Pagkatapos noon, tapos na.

THIS IS THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE.

2008-06-05T15:42:00.000+08:00

Grabeh. One whole frickin day spent in UP. Medyo nilagkit na ako dun. Nalasahan ko na nga pala pawis ko. Ayon. Maalat-alat. Ang pinakamasaya dun yung part na nakapila ka sa may glass window ng CAL Faculty, habang umaalingasaw ang iba't ibang singaw ng mga sari-saring tao, at walang pumapansin sayo kahit anong mangyari. Lupet nun.

Eto pa. Adventure ITO. Sa isang building sasabihin sayo ganito. Tapos pagpunta mo dun, kabaliktaran naman sasabihin sayong procedure. Nakanaman. Yun siguro talaga ang nature ng mga empleyado ng gobyerno.

Ang hanep pa dun, sasakit mga paa mo sa paghanap ng mga department. Magkakalayo pa. Buti nalang andun si Manong Drayber ng dyip na walang ginawa kundi umikot lang ng umikot sa buong campus. Ang galeng. Kasawa din yun ha. Kahanga-hanga.

Yung general subjects din pala, wala din silang pakialam kung anong kukunin mo basta may ganito kang number of units na nakuha. Ganon. Walang lista. Walang kopya kung ano pede kunin. Wala. As in para kang bulag. Nangangapa lang. Himala.

Eto lang masasabi ko. Mapipilitan ka talagang mahalin ang course mo. Para bang nililigawan--paghihirapan mo talaga para makakuha lang ng slot at makapag-sign ka ng petition na i-open nila ulit yung isang subject. Tumba ako dun.

Hay. Minamahal kong UP.

I Shot the Killer.

2008-06-04T16:28:00.000+08:00

Dear Killer,

I now know why. It's because all this time.. All this time. I am inlove with somebody else. I am still inlove with the same person all these years. All this time. That same person who first stole and sold me. All this time. That same person who shot me and poisoned me to my despair. To my agony.

All this time. With you. All this time. It's you.

Should have known better. This is all your fault.

Signed.

Goodbye, Summer.

2008-05-29T19:59:00.000+08:00

And now it's officially over.

So this is DOTA..

2008-05-28T16:30:00.000+08:00

Wow. How exciting. I am thrilled. Nakaka-high. Grabeh.

KARATULA.

2008-05-26T11:28:00.000+08:00

Kinauhapunan na ng ika-6 ng Marso noong aking natatandaang naglalakad ako patungo sa tindahan ni Manong Karatula. Sa aking sariling pag-aabala sa kinangangambang mga bagay bagay, hindi ko na namalayan na unti-unti na palang pumapatak ang ulan. At saka ko na lamang ito napagtanto nang basa na ang aking mukha at hindi ko na makita ang aking dinaraanan.

Hindi ko na maalala kung bakit ako nagtungo kay Manong Karatula. Ang aking natatandaan na lamang ay ang mga sinabi ko sa kaniya. "Manong Karatula, mukhang malakas na ang ulan at tila nababasa na ang iyong mga paninda. Hindi ba kayo magsasara ng panandalian?"

At ang sabi niya sakin, "Naku, hindi. Sapagkat maaaring mayroong mangailangan ng malunggay na gagamitin sa paghanda ng panghapunan, o 'di rin kaya naman isang bote ng Coke Lite."

Inaamin ko, hindi ko na naintindihan ito, at hindi na naghangad umintindi pa. Dali-dali akong umuwi na dala-dala ang kung ano mang aking binili sa aking kamay. Ang alam ko lamang ay ni minsan, hindi nagsasara ng tindahan si Manong Karatula, panandalian man o hindi.

Ito'y nakapagtataka sapagkat wala naman masyadong tumatangkilik sa kanyang mga paninda, sa kadahilanan na ang lokasyon niya ay hindi makatarungang lakbayin pa (Iyon ang iniisip ng baryo). Bakit pa nga ba paghihirapang maglakad sa dulo ng kasikip na eskinita upang makabili lamang ng isang pakete ng Chippy, kung mayroon namang ibang mas malapit, hindi ba?

At sa tuwing tanungin man siya kung bakit ganito ay lagi niyang dinadahilan na baka may mangailangan ng sari-saring mga kagamitan. Naroon lamang siya. Nag-aabang ng mamimili o kahit mananalaw man lamang.

Naghihintay...

Iyon na lamang ang huli kong pagkikita kay Manong Karatula.

...AND DAVID COOK WINS!

2008-05-22T09:25:00.000+08:00

I SCREECHED. Literally. I screeched my lungs out while banging my hands on the sofa after Seacrest mouthed the words. Yes. David Cook is AMERICAN IDOL. I most probably can tell my fellow Cook fans also lost their voices this morning. But I'm pretty sure I was the best Cook screecher ever.

I must say, though, that I do pity little Gaspy. 'Course, he did count on Cowell's grand sacred opinion that he actually won last night. But it's real good ain't nobody really listens to that Freak whose hair must have been parted by Moses (as Kimmel noted). Besides, nobody wants Jeff Archuleta hanging around, although we could use a little entertainment from him. Preeow!

It took such a long time for them to stall. Like, give us the frickin results already! Man. But it was worth the wait, you know. Plus watching OneRepublic wipe Gaspy the vocals out was amazing. Oh, and don't forget about the Jonas Brothers. I hafta say, they don't really rock, but aren't they the greatest dropdead kids EVERR? Oh yeah!

What takes me most to my awe is that Cook's brother, whose fault is having him auditioned, is actually also very very hott. Giving his name would be lovely, thankyouverymuch.

Anyway, to wrap it all up, we're all frickin happy of the results, and I must say, America made the right--no, excellent choice. And if you're not, well, you're probably Gaspy. :)

NO NO NO.

2008-05-21T16:56:00.000+08:00

Oh, PUHLEEEEEEEASE! You and I know Archie ain't done any better than what he usually does. Idol is so frickin scripted.

America better be good enough this time. Peace.

It Would Mean Everything.

2008-05-19T20:07:00.000+08:00

I won't say I miss you.

Neither can you.

Of all the things I can't do,

Can't say I really miss you.

You are. Impossible.

2008-05-17T18:54:00.000+08:00

Dear Killer,

For the second time, I lost myself out there. I know. I know. It was my fault. I could have just listened to you, for Pete Wentz's sake. I just couldn't believe it pulled the trigger on me oh so soon, I wasn't even ready yet. I lost it. Was always my fault, you know.

I wish, for sometime in my pathetic little life, it doesn't have to be me. But like they all say, we live, we learn. It sucks. What frustrates me more is that I never learn anyway. Maybe when I'm hopelessly all out of anything in this world, I could probably say so. But no. I already said that a million times.

I know. This too shall pass. But it creeps in too often than I thought. What do you think I should do? Now that I could not believe any longer, the pain caught up with me and is now stabbing me mercilessly to death. And I can't cry for that. Was too late. Too late, I tell you.

And I feel horrible..

Wait. You're a killer, right? Why don't I suggest you to kill me now? Oh, that would be lovely. It shall surely be my pleasure.

I know I'm practically boring you now. But I really just need someone to talk to. So bad.

Well. Have a good day. :)

Signed.

Archie or Cook?

2008-05-15T17:10:00.000+08:00

Which David is which? Oh what the heck. Go home, David A. :)

Pools of Sorrow. Waves of Joy.

2008-04-18T16:20:00.000+08:00

Nothing's gonna change my world.

Terribly missing you, Mr. Michael Johns.

MOON.

2008-03-25T17:06:00.000+08:00

The moon was unfathomably and devastatingly... beautiful. It took the shape of a watchful eye in the midst of the pitch black sky as it hung ever so lowly, almost stroking the fields. It was ghastly still, and yet, it took me indefinitely away. I actually lost track of time.

It had me thinking hopelessly, as I tried to exhale in my behalf almost forgetting to breathe. Will I be able to take grasp of you? To tie your perfection in a knot, and slowly surface you out of that overwhelming sea of night? To frame you near my window and stare awfully at your slight orange space? Will I? And I choked.

It had me. And I was right. Because I can never. And I shan’t. I was hopeless, I tell you. I was.

Hey Hey the Nineties.

2008-03-24T12:01:00.000+08:00

Miss being a freakish kid. Thanks, Regina. :)

1. What year were you born in?
+ 1990 woohoo.

2. Favorite Spice Girl when you were young?
+ I actually find them creepy. And Isdkw.

3. Backstreet boys or NSYNC?
+ Err. Bye Bye Bye (Bye Bye, Bye Bye) You get what I mean.

4. Did you watch S Club 7?
+ Haha. Toink.

5. What was your favorite, Sandlot or Little Rascals?
+ Dear Darla. You make me VOMIT.

6. Did you ever have light up sneakers?
+ Haha. OMG Nakakahiya.

7. What was your favorite thing about recess?
+ I can finally be ALONE.

8. Cinderella or Snow White?
+ Neither. I loved Jasmine. Because I had a crush on Aladdin. Ahaha. Aha. Ahaa.

9. Did you wake up really early just to watch cartoons on Saturday morning?
+ Hahah. Omg, yah.

10. What was your favorite holiday?
+ Christmas. Ibig sabihin may bago akong Barbie. LOL.

11. Did you ever try to stay up on Christmas just so you could see Santa?
+ Nah. Never believed in that phatso.

12. What grade did you like the best?
+ Fourth grade. I had this really strange obsession with this really stupid guy. At the same time, I had this really strange group of pop friends.

13. Ninja Turtles or Power Rangers?
+ Walang makakapigil sa Power Rangers. Naiintindihan mo ba yun? Wala. WALA. Muhahaha.

14. What Power Ranger were you?
+ Si Triny! GO GO YELLOW RANGER! woohoo!

15. Did you ever own a Chinese jump rope?
+ Yah. Pati Chinese garter. Yung gawa sa goma. Da best.

16. What was your favorite thing to eat?
+ Ice Candy.

17. What was your favorite color?
+ Idr. Yellow paren ata.

18. Barney or Sesame street?
+ Barney sucks. Ngermit paden. Haha!

19. Do you ever miss being a little kid?
+ Oh, do I.

20. Do you wish you were older?
+ Idk. Maybe.

21. What was your first pet's name?
+ Si Bettina.

22. Who was your best friend in kindergarten?
+ Ewan ko. Si Mark ata. LOL.

23. Are you still friends with the person you were best friends with in the 3rd grade?
+ Never had a best friend in 3rd grade.

25. What was your all time favorite movie?
+ Titanic. OHA. That was second grade.

26. Which did you like 'Are You Afraid Of The Dark' or 'AHH! Real Monsters?
+ Ugh I hate AHH REAL MONSTERS.

27. Did you watch Rockos Modern Life?
+ YAH. Peyb ko si Heppa.

28. Who was your favorite Rugrat?
+ Phil and Lil. You can't seperate them, actually.

29. Do you own a tamagochi?
+ No. Was afraid it'd die too soon after attachment.

The Firefighter.

2008-03-17T08:40:00.000+08:00

How could such stillness

Bring much life saving device?

Like a firefighter on the verge

As the deafening silence break the ice.

How could such depth ever render

An impossible demeanor?

A wolf-triggered tune

To serenade the weary moon.

How could such existence

On the safer side

Ever suffice a daily dose

Of an overflowing madness

Of diminishing melancholic vices.

How could such embrace

Contain much cupful of rain?

And revise it into sympathy

Yet instilling much space.

How could this ever be

A chase of mystery

A pool of speculations?

And how could I ever be

The constant trace

Of how you could ever be

More than just a phase?

Had nothing else to do. So blahblahblah.

Nakapagpabagabag.

2008-02-28T18:54:00.000+08:00

Nakapagpagababag..

Nakapagpagagabag...

Nakapagpagabagag...

Ay, EWAN.

He keeps me up all night.

2008-02-02T15:50:00.000+08:00

And these gushy words are all I can write.

Seriously.

Hurrah.

2007-12-25T11:04:00.000+08:00

It's Christmas. And I'm inlove. :)

Nangangaroling po.

2007-12-17T15:14:00.000+08:00

Walang tao.

Bawal Ang Tao Dito.

2007-12-04T14:30:00.000+08:00

Now that. Was just... wack.

Walang Kwentang Araw.

2007-11-27T14:11:00.000+08:00

Miss him.
She bangs. She bangs.
Denmark.
Miss him.
Walang kamatayang... Gateway.
NGERTKUWAYK! (Lupet. And Mitch didn't even get it. LOL.)
Miss him.
Earl Anthony = Pearl Anne.
Starbuckies. 18 more to go. LOL!
Halim. Aww. Tsk.
GINGERMAN BREAD?
Miss him.
Debate + Salute = HYPER!!
He calls me BEBE. Yo.
The De Vera Strikes.
Miss him.
Frickin' drenched. My my my.

Walang kwenta. LOL.

The Curse to My Loaded Guns.

2007-11-07T16:18:00.000+08:00

And I found him atlast. :)

Can't I Just Say No?

2007-10-28T20:15:00.000+08:00

Guess what? NO.

Wer na U? D2 na mE. [like, LOL]

2007-10-24T17:20:00.000+08:00

I've been having these awkward butterflies from you. You had me thinking. I don't know why. Do you?

KILLER.

2007-10-07T19:12:00.000+08:00

I could have just listened to you, couldn't have i?

I lost it bigtime. Tsk tsk tsk.

How Do You Find Me? :)

2007-10-05T18:47:00.000+08:00

Mirror. I looked at myself. I STARED at myself. I blinked a few times. And breathe some more. And then... Out of nowhere...

IT HIT ME.

Sure, I think of myself as somebody who YOU'RE way cooler than. But I couldn't help thinking about what others actually THINK of me.

No this ain't a block box forum. It ain't a scene either. Just wanting to know what it is that you guys know. You know, about me.

I wonder how people THINK of me when I pass by them. Come on guys. Need some help here. :D I really WANT to know.

SO HIT ME. How do you find me? :)

The Indifferent Swingside Demeanor Of an Impulsive Dance Phase

2007-10-02T15:16:00.000+08:00

Hindi. Oo. Medyo. Sakto lang. Ayon. Yo.

Tagged--AGAIN!

2007-09-29T19:43:00.000+08:00

Thanks to Josh. LOL.

Pretty much these are some of the weirdest stuff I personally think dudes and dudettes ain't know about me yet. And pretty soon I'll run out of them. Like, LOL.

1. I like techno. I like disco headlights. I like dancing like some crazy.. person. But I don't party.

2. Gym class is KILLING me.

3. I sometimes have to actually tell myself to breathe. Especially when...

4. I miss somebody. Real bad. And no. IT'S NOT HIM.

5. I'm not taken. But I'm definitely stolen. :3

6. I don't know what's with guys in long hair. I really really don't.

7. I fear the fear of fear. And that's pretty bad.

8. I usually write when I'm OUT OF ORDER.

So. That's it. Last time I checked, I haven't actually tagged ANYONE yet. So this time, I'm taking it.

I now taggggggggggggg..... : Brucey, VonBon, Ming, Niko, Aica, Karla, Mishi, and Ticia. :)

Ready... Set... Go.

FOB Hangover. What could be more sick than this? :))

2007-09-21T20:27:00.000+08:00

Honestly. I am not a HUGE fan of Fall Out Boy. Not to speak, a crazy obsessed fan. There's something about Patrick's voice that gets me. Or is it Petey's "frontmacho"-ness? I don't really really know. But needless to say, I honestly am not. I just. Listen to them.

Going with my brother and his friend, Paolo, to their Friends and Enemies concert here I say would be something I did out of "nothing to do" dispositions. Said to myself, "Oh what the heck? They're only gonna be here once."

So off I go in search of some sort of "sick concert" feeling again to Araneta Coliseum at a raging hour of 5.15 pm (after being oh-so temporarily adopted by Niko's parents). Went inside by 7. And waited for Chicosci to bust the opening act off. (BTW, Mong Alcaraz <33 is sooo hottie lookin with tight pants and the ability to headbang, shred, synch, and look ohh sooo... well, HOTT. ALL AT THE SAME TIME! Sigh..)

Like any other bands/artists, FOB thinks it'd be cool for people to wait so frickin' long, to get us all like, "Get on wit teh show, mehn!". And so they did, after a few calls. With their entrance theme, "So build me up, Buttercup baby, don't ya let me downn. YO." And a set of roars, shrills, and err.. guts, THERE THEY ARE. Patrick Stump, Joe Trohman, Andy Hurley, and yes.. Pete (err..) Wentz.

I didn't expect to have this rush of blood and tingle in my spine, that I let a shrill myself too. (Even if, yes, they look like thumbs from the upper box, LOL).
All throughout the gig, people were SCREAMING like CRAZY. And SINGING along like it's the end of Teh World. Ohkay, so I admit, including moi, also. HAHA.

I really can't understand Pete's mumble and fickle blurbs back there, but whatever it is, he's making gurls SINK. Now that, excluding me. :)) (FLAME ME, Petey fans, flame me MUHAHAHA!!). He made us do frickin' waves, and guess what the next song was (AND I AM NOT GIVING AWAY ANY OF THEM since tonight there'll be another one). And by that, I am guilty of doing "teh wave" and "teh guess".

Sure, Pete hogged the mic, stole the frontman act from Pat, and inserted screamos in the middle of some songs, PLUS! crashed into a mosh, and took off his shirt, I sure had sooo much frickin' FUN, baby. And I actually WISH they'll be back for more more more. Lame as it sounds, it rocked my socks. LOL.

So maybe the stated statement of not being a big fan of FOB is to be rephrased after all.

I am a HUGE fan of Fall Out Boy. So to speak, a crazy obsessed fan.

Although I'm not sooo sure about the Petey "Frontmacho"-ness. LOL.

PS. They made us surrender the frickin' camera, so I was stuck with my not so brilliant camphone that I didn't get any clear photos at all (since it's so DARK, duh), only some unclear vids in the attempt to actually "record" it with freaky people like me shrieking and singing along, but failed, since the camphone's soo lame that all you can hear is 40% of me (well, mostly me) and Paolo scorching our throats out, 30% of the sing-alongs from people, 25% only of Pat and the band, plus 5% of Raffy coughing bad. Sorry, people. :))

How Do I Live (Hate Version)

2007-09-17T15:11:00.000+08:00

How do you,
Get through the night without me?
If you had to live without me,
What kind of life would that be?
Oh, you
You need me in my arms, need me to hold,
I'm your world, your heart, your soul,
If I ever leave,
Baby I would take away everything good in your life,

And tell me now
How do you live without me?
I want to know,
How do you breathe without me?
If I ever go,
How do you ever, ever survive?
How do you, how do you, oh how do YOU live?

Without me,
There'd be no sun in your sky,
There would be no love in your life,
There'd be no world left for you.
And you,
Baby you won't know what you would do,
You'd be lost if you lost me,
If I ever leave,
Baby I would take away everything real in your life,

Please tell me baby,
How do you go on?

How do you live without me?

The Gravity Pulls Me

2007-09-16T13:35:00.000+08:00

IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?

[LOL. stolen from lea lu]

So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player,iPod, etc.)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question,press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool.

Opening Credits:
| Bigger Than My Body - John Mayer

"Someday I'll fly. Someday I'll soar.
Someday I'll be something much more."

Waking up:
| Anthem of Our Dying Day - Story of Teh Year

"The stars will cry."

First day at school:
| Teenage Dirtbag - Wheatus

"Listen to Iron Maiden With me.
I'm just a teenage dirtbag, baby."

Falling in love: (HAHA. Sakto.)
| I Don't Wanna Know - New Found Glory

"First comes heavy breathing.
Staring at the ceiling.
What will happen next?
I DON'T WANNA KNOW."

Fight song:
| Reinventing Your Exit - Underoath

"Stop saying that we're invincible."

Breaking up:
| Niki FM - Hawthorne Heights

"Silence in BLACK AND WHITE.
I'm outside of your window.
With my radio."

Prom:
| You Versus the Sea - Daphne Loves Derby

"You said hold on and everything will be okay.
Should I even call it living?"

Life:
| Keep Fishin - Weezer

"You'll never be a better kind
If you don't leave the world behind.
WASTE MY DAYS."

Mental Breakdown:
| Dance Floor Anthem - Good Charlotte

"Everybody, put up your hands say I DON'T WANNA BE INLOVE."

Driving:
| Jenny - The Click Five (woooooooooooooh!!)

"You leave me hanging on the line
You got me going out of my mind."

Flashback:

| Dulo ng Dila - Pupil

"At meron lang naisip
Na merong mailagay
Para lamang may laman
Para lang merong kulay
Hindi na bale."

Wedding:

| Stolen - Dashboard Confessional
"You have stolen my... HEART."

Birth of Child:

| Do You Want To - Franz Ferdinand
"Do do ya, do ya do ya wanna." (LOL!)

Final Battle:

| Timberwolves in New Jersey - Taking Back Sunday

"Stop it come on you're not making sense now."

Death scene:
| Cover Me Up - Eyes Set To Kill

"Angel look down.
Take my body."

Funeral song:
| Karma Police - Radiohead

"And for a minute there
I lost myself, I lost myself."

Credits:
| Hallelujah - Paramore

"This time we're not giving up.
Let's make it last forever."

Out of Service. Out of Lettuce. Out of Here.

2007-09-12T11:55:00.000+08:00

Today.

At School.

Exactly three fifety-one in this rainy afternoon.

Stranded. Tragic.

Need to get out.

Day on REPLAY:

Elevator. Out of Service.

Instant breaking news live with Vanessa Hudgens.

"Cheen Choice Awards."

Legendary Lindsay Lohan.

Never-ending Gateway. Taco Bell.

Out of Lettuce. Nachos. 12 oz. soda.

Erap. Frickin' Erap.

"Jingoyl bells, Batman smells."

Go go spider web. *Patew patew*

Nyanyanyanya.

The so-called "Knowledge Center". With Myspace.

And BACK. Sigh.

I'm outttttttttttttaaaaa here.

Peace.

xKeira.

A Blink. And a Thousand Phrases.

2007-09-08T18:31:00.000+08:00

you are.

the bullet.

that keeps.

me alive.

you are.

so far.

you are.

so unfair.

you are.

my box set despair.

my indifferent heartbeat.

a delusion.

a sense of absolute sympathy.

my catastrophe.

my secondhand mystery.

a twisted harmony.

curse to my loaded guns.

you are.

my blank.

and i am.

your nothing.

Need new BANDS/ARTISTS! Rawr.

2007-09-06T17:48:00.000+08:00

Ohkaaaaaaaaay. So here's the deal.

I'm so suckishly bored with overplayed playlists and alibis. I need new ONES. before they become waaaaaaaay overplayed.

I need NEW ones. You hear? NEW. Ones.

So. If you happen to know any bands of techno+punk+rock, or whatever in the frickin' world they call it (saaay, Pedicab), local, foreign, world, ethnic (LOL), whatever in the frickin' world they are, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE (me so desperaado) give it to me. Through comments. Or PMs. Or whatever in the frickin' world it is that pleases you best.

If I don't get them, i'll lose my sanity.

LOL. Ohkay, so I acted off the board. But you just gotta help me, man.

Pretty please??? *insert pleading eyes here with batting of eyelashes and stuff*

Thanks. Thanks. Much thanks! :D

kudos,

xkeira.

"Photoshopped" Love :))

2007-09-04T15:24:00.000+08:00

Today afternoon. A quarter from three o'clock. I struggled to get right answers with right tasks to solve right reading. I nearly broke it.

But just as I thought I would, our English Prof (yes, for yet again. NOTE: Not my fault weird things happen on his period.) popped these.. peculiar.. quotes about love and stuff. And he... related it with.. lying. And stuff.

He finally arrived with this statement. "Love can sometimes be a blur..."

And my classmates could not agree more. (Okay, so maybe I do also! Rawr.)

Anyhowwww...

Out of nowhere.. my classmate, Aica, fired back. "...but sometimes you just need PHOTOSHOP."

We're like... What in the wwwwwwwwwwwwooorrrlldd??

And so concludes the quote.

"LOVE CAN SOMETIMES BE A BLUR, BUT SOMETIMES YOU JUST NEED PHOTOSHOP."

Yes. That's right. Photoshop. Hrrmm... *wonders*

I Just Realized That...

2007-09-03T09:15:00.000+08:00

Africans would die for food. But Filipinos would die for a seat in the LRT.

Weird, huh? Tell that to the people who would ACTUALLY push me EVERY morning just to own that bench space I've been hunting for. LOL.

Excuse Slip, Form # 481516

2007-08-28T14:18:00.000+08:00

This is an excuse slip presented by a student which was written by her rather.. emotional mom. NOTE : Not real. Niko and I just came up with it for fun. Wootwoot!! :))

Dear Ms. Takas:

Please (if it is indeed possible) excuse my somber daughter for being unexplicably absent for the past few days due to HEARTBREAK CATASTROPHE. She has been experiencing total wreck and paranoia, since her significant other wanted to depart unaccepted ways with her. This specific event crushed (and is as now) her heart, causing much damage and inequities in her, ever so gushing out blood and deteriorating sane.

I do not know at all what to do. I would stare blankly at her, as she keep on stating that she wants to jump over a tower, to end this bias nightmare and to forget she ever lives again. Much tears spurted out her eyes, but still not enough to fill the emptiness she feels inside, begging for sympathetic mercy.

It was all too much. I could not bear it. She could not bear it. Why is this happening? Why? Why? Why?

Anyhow, I think she is pretending to be fine now. (If pretending can do any better to conclude to rather poignant sorrow-slash-misery bussiness.)

Pleading for your kind consideration. Thank you.

Bleeding inside,

Mother.

One Tragic Day 14.02.05

2007-08-27T07:49:00.000+08:00

I wrote this last two years ago, and I found it hidden in far-end archives from my former blog, Name on the Wall. It's about one of the tragedies of me and my family's life. The day we lost our Uncle. On Hearts' Day.

Rest in peace,

Uncle Alex "Chico"Concepcion

Nov 14, 1962 - Feb 14, 2005

We will miss you so much, but we know you're already in God's Hands right now.

"Well done, good and faithful servant!"

Tito (uncle in english) Chico has always been a very kind uncle. I remember the nicest thing he ever did to me was when i was around 6. Because I have this really huge wound on my knee, I can't walk. So he carried me in order for me to. he would also call me up whenever one of my favorite musicians are featured on tv and tell me, "Kira, open the tv on channel ___, ______ is there."

It was true that Tito was a symbol of pure love. all he wanted to do was to be with my grandparents and take care of them. he never bothered to get married just to take care of them. he also just wanted us to stay together, and he would call us up to have a gathering everytime someone would celebrate his or her birthday. he would also leave a message on our answering machine telling the birthday celebrant "happy birthday".

He would even eat the fat on my barbeque. It's something I really won't do, ever, but those were on of my memories.

Yeah, I'll really miss the big guy who sits around there at the round table, holding his ear, and asking us for a bless. He would go "O, bless muna..." (that's in filipino, dudes, sorry, I can't translate it right now). Now there's no one who would do the same when we'll come to visit our granparent's house.

We love our Tito Chico, but we took his presence for granted. It was something really so bad. "Marami kaming pagkukulang kay Chico," my mom said, telling everyone who came to the chapel.

It was all like a weird dream. It's as if it wasn't real. But it was. My tito Chico died that morning last Feb 14, 2005. It was really a shcoking news for all of us.

It was a short life. 42, right? Yes, 42. It was hard letting go of our uncle, but if it is already his time, it's already his time. We know he's already in God's heaven and how perfect he is right now. No sickness will bother him, no worries. I'm sure he's happy up there.

"You will always be a special part of us... You will always be a special memory... We'll remember you, wherever we may be..."

That's Sooo Frickin Awesome, like.. WOW. :))

2007-08-23T17:26:00.000+08:00

So today, it was the first time ever in our ever history of staying and the so called "studying" at St. Paul University QC, that WE, all students of Sir Chris in English 01, actually HEARD HIM, ( he himself, mate ) SPEAK TAGALOG.

I guess being the English teacher, he urged himself to speak English, like, .. all the frickin time. And it just SHOCKED us that he uttered and we heard indeed three.. simple.. Tagalog.. words.

"Ha? Ano yun?"

And then went back speaking English again. Until noses bled.

So frickin.. weird, man. So weird. :))

T-T-T-AAGGED!!??

2007-08-18T11:29:00.000+08:00

Okay, so Ninia just tagged me. My turn. :d

* each blogger starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
* bloggers that are tagged need to write on their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
* at the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
* don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they're tagged, and to read your blog.

*DRUM ROLL PLEASE!*

1. I'm a CHRISTIAN. :D

2. I was a crazy obsessed (harsh, indeed!) Hanson fan--no, addict. Infact, the Hanson brothers (Ike, Tay, and *insert scream here* ZACKY!) were, like, a huge obsession to me. LOL. I still like them today, but.. erm... maybe not as I did before. :))

3. I DON'T DO DANCING. [GITARA NA LANG, ANO? haha.] I think people know this one now, but mahn. Dancing is really NOT MOI. Well.. I admit. I USED to dance. But NOT, like, ANYMORE. :))

4. I suck at SPORTS. Erm.. I used to do Taekwondo, but, LOL, that was the time I was "SOUL SEARCHING". :D

5. I'm moody. I get easily frustrated at things. 'Nuff Said. Rar.

6. I CrushCrushCrush: ELY BUENDIA! *insert scream*, MONG ALCARAZ, DIEGO MAPA, DRAKE BELL, LIAM AIKEN, SEAN FLYNN (people are like, who in the world is that? You know. Chase from Nininickelodeon? LOL), and JOHN LENNON (haha. uhm.. except that he's gone now.)

7. I started playing the guitar at 11. Write songs at 9. And think REAL weird at 13. :))

8. My favorite color is YELLOW. Why? Because people actually HATE yellow.

Uhm. So. There you have it. LOL.

I now tag : Uhm.. I don't know right now whom to tag, but if I do, I'll let you know. :))

Ka-ching!! :D

No Remembering

2007-08-13T13:56:00.000+08:00

You're a haunting memory i can not seem to remember to forget. How can I? When your face storms my mind, forever alloting a simple, irrefutable curse? When your voice is what I mysteriously long to headplug? When my heart pounds with every blood rushing through yours?

You're impossible. So impossible.

I wonder why the little thought of you, as much as I hopelessly wish to forget, only ruins everything?

Then again, why must I? When your innocent laugh is a permanent ringtone in my head? When your hand is all I can cling to at Saturday night bottomless Pit of despair? When the echo of your footsteps triggers my heart to beat ever so violently, much in outrage, yet in a weird, consoling kind of way?

You see? You're impossible. Too much impossible.

Stop haunting me. Just, please, leave me alone. And don't ever let me see you again. Because I don't. Ironically speaking, perhaps, but if you do, I'll drown this heartfall to its end.

You know why?

Because you're impossible. Undeniably impossible.

Is this the beginning of our last chance?

2007-08-10T09:09:00.000+08:00

Staring at a glass of water, I sighed heavily, my eyes sinking, drenched out of pondering thoughts to judge whether it was half-empty or half-full. After a few attempts of undeniable guessing, I then decided that I couldn't care any less. Needless to say how BORING and how POINTLESS it was to stare at its transparent tranquility, and the circle it forms on top--shaking ever almost unsteadily as one puts himself (or, argh, herself) near it.

To entertain my dramatic, devastating boredom, my "hopeless" meter rose again to its point of wanting to drown something--anything.

Will he be there? Questions yet poured inside my innocent mind for again. I do not at all exactly know.

After all, his interest is dead zero on me. It was just too incomprehensibly impossible to even think about it. And it sucks. Too bad.

Lightning struck me. And that was when I then realized something.

As I sit here blankly with this blank of blankness glass infront of me, exerting "zero degrees Fahrenheit" friggin' care about it, likewise does he. That is, not about the blank glass. But about the blank "me".

I mean, who must I be joshing anyhow? He doesn't even know "blank me". Perhaps, worse, even tends to forget my "blank name". What more for him to notice?

Confession #.. uhh.. 275.

2007-08-07T14:48:00.000+08:00

I, in my utmost freakishness, therefore declare this confession for it is a difficult intention to conceal it in my own being.

I have a crush on my English Prof.

There you have it. How freaky is that? Rar. Lol. :))

I So Don't Know

2007-08-05T13:16:00.000+08:00

I'm sad. And I don't know why. I really don't. Oh Well.

HA....PPY?! :))

2007-08-02T15:39:00.000+08:00

i woke up this morning just like the way i start my average every WEIRD day, and i forgot that today's my birthday.

maybe i intentionally have forgotten it (I DON'T WANT TO BE 17! NOOO!!), or maybe this awkward, sickly feeling of me getting a year older made me forget it. EITHER WAY, it's my birthday and i'm not that old enough to forget it (coz that just sucks hahah), so i have no chance of finding my way out.

and whether the weather is not for the weather (whatever THAT means), i've grown a year older. (gosh, that rhymes).

even if i'm not a "super sweet sixteen" anymore, i'd like to thank GOD for his LOVE and mercy and guidance and wisdom and courage that he showered upon me all these 17 years to survive all the chapters that he wrote in my life. some are done. some are still on it's way to the climax. and some, yet to be revealed.

i thank GOD for giving me such a wonderful family. with loving parents (thanks mom and dad) and partly-charming, partly-annoying sibs (thanks guys).

i thank GOD that he has given me security, and friends (thanks thanks thanks fellas!), and that he has saved me from my sins.

i thank GOD for being my BEST-EST friend in the whole wide world.

and most of all, i thank GOD for loving me soooooo much.

i therefore declare that i shall kick off this year with a new heart. a new song. and a new me.

but the question is, will i FINALLY feel like 17? ..nah, doesn't matter. :))

lovelights,

keira.*

sicksicksick (today)

2007-08-01T09:30:00.000+08:00

the dance : crushcrushcrush - paramore

i didn't go to school today. i didn't go to school today. i didn't go to school today.

why? why? why?

'cozzzzzzzzzz... i'm sick. arggh. what could be more horrible than lying in bed all day ( which i'm obviously NOT doing ), and suffering cough and colds, torturing you not to breathe?? not to mention, missing lessons ( and modulars. darn modulars! ) in school ( okay that sounded dorky) and having to catch up with your classmates because midterms are coming? ( gasp? )

NOTHINGNOTHINGNOTHING.

except if you're not really sick, and it's not a sickness you're sick of. which is, you're sick of schoolwork or you actually WISHED to be sick in a way that you're sickly feeling this sick, and not.. uhm.. whatever that means. anyway, THE POINT IS, i didn't wish to BE sick ( unlike.. ), i really didn't.

pressure is, like rising. and the real college battle between students and the pursuit to survive profs, homework, and nasty girls is on its way to torture freshmen novices, like me. next thing i know, it's temperature.

am i just gonna lie down and wait for profs to fail me? NO. am i just gonna relax and wait til they dump homework on me without DOING anything. NO. am i just gonna watch mean college girls bring me down. uhmm.. NO?

unfortunately, i'm sick.

coughcoughcough? sniffsniffsniff?

uhmm.. i don't really think i know what i'm babbling about right now. maybe because i'm.. SICK.

i'll never say the world sick ever ever again,
keirakeirakeira.

bumming around school

2007-07-27T13:15:00.000+08:00

it's pretty weird to bum around school. why? I DON'T KNOW.

and if you ask me why i'm bumming around, go ask my new filipino prof.

and then i'll ask you this. is it really legal for college students to leave class 15 minutes AFTER the sched that you're supposed to attend? just because the prof's not around? you get what i mean, right?

and yet, i still DON'T KNOW.

why?

because i just did. lol.. :))

PS: i'm writing this coz bumming around makes me sick. wait, i AM sick. so just let me be, willa? rotfl. :))

lovelights,
katy-keira-ness :D

such bad fall = such bad day.

2007-07-06T20:03:00.000+08:00

the dolrama: my clumsiness extraordinaire
the dance: you honestly won't believe this. haha! fergie - glamorous. lol..
the lexis: "G.. L.. A .. M.. O .. R.. O.. U.. S.. T.. U.. V.. W.. X.. Y.. Z."

Who in the whole wide, freakish world can ever forget Ms. United States of America's trip fall? NOBODY. Why? Just think: you're there representing your country at the Miss Universe big Night, and just as you think everything's sailing smooth, you trip over in your shimmering evening gown, infront of all the audience. All the tv viewers. All the people.

What could be worse than people "boo"-ing you, when you've already bruises already? When you fel so dang hopeless. NOTHING.

But as good news though, in this world, people forget, and Miss USA's bad trip fall will soon be forgotten, as new news bury it down to headline archives.

I just hope the same thing would happen in my OWN little world.

Because, just like Miss USA, i have experienced my own trip fall.

Yes. A few days ago. On my way home. Riding a "cursed" fx taxi.

I knew all along that something real bad will happen to me that day, as I rode the machine. The "conductor" or as we normally call it "kondoktor", told me to ride infront, next to the driver, since i'm such a petite "naman". And as usual, I refused to. And I told him that I'm riding at the back, just 'cause there's no space in the middle anymore.

Wrong move. I know I shouldn't have, considering that the back space brings so much uncomfort that you'd rather be hit on the head than sit at its cruel, small chairs entitled for you to sit on.

I told myself, whatever. So, I just did.

And after a few torturing minutes of waiting to arrive home, I tried to get as "comfortable" as possible. Plugged in mp3, since fx drivers choose these really "corny" radio stations. I finally got to Antipolo. And then, it happened.

As the fx drove to park, I prepared myself, with handful of books, to step down the taxi. Unfortunately, my heels got stuck with the platform, and I couldn't get it off. I soon heard people laughing, as I got concious with my skirt and what it could be showing if I don't fix it properly.. (err.. you know what I mean.), and then I felt a thug.

And the next thing I knew, I'm one-sided lying on the ground, my skirt revealing more than what I thought it was, when I just put extra effort for it not to!

I was sooooo shocked, that I paused for a minute to collect the pieces of myself, and wondered, "How in the whole wide, freakish world did I get here??"

Thank God, somebody rushed over to come help me, and asked me if I was alright. I wanted to tell him, "NO." But I'd look pretty stupid if I did, so I just thanked him, and ran to find a tricycle, almost tripping as blood ooze from my knees. one word: EEWNESS.

It was such a terrible issue, that I think it's more like a historical event for all the people of Antipolo to remember and to pass on to generations that one day, a clumsy Paulinian girl just tripped over in a very bad way.. right on this spot... blahblahblah.

It was bad. WWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY bad than any of you can ever think of, because until now, my bruises and cuts are still wrapped in bandages, crying for mercy.

But it was good thing though that I hid my face (imagine the horror of trying to cover your face with short hair), and I didn't look at anyone straight after that appalling, unsightful memory happened.

So I said to myself, just look at Former Miss Las Philepinas Miriam Quimbao (uhm.. sp?) and Miss YU-ES-AY , and their televised incident. It was so EXTREMELY oh soooo bad, but they managed to pull it of with what they call... POISE.

Oh, well, news may burn as fast as fire. Besides, atleast it wasn't televised. Unlike these not-so-perfect-after-all beauty queens.

And as my cuts and scrapes, and (ow..) bruises slowly disappear, I just hope that flat fall reminiscence would disappear too. Because I know it would. Nobody has taken any proof about it. No pictures. No videos. No nothing. It's all gonna be just fine..

PS: I'm just writing this to make me feel better. Lol.. Seriously.

safe (AND THIS TIME I MEAN IT) sailing,
kirzy.

malayong malapet

2007-06-15T17:55:00.000+08:00

the doldrama - the past three days
the dance - a new hillsong playlist. yey!

the first few days of COLLEGE LIFE is undeniably, irrefutably, indisputably, positively, unspeakably, certainly, and a hundred percent definitely idiosyncratic. in short. WEIRD.

i rode the lrt from santolan to gilmore with great fear and agonizing fret. for the first time in my entire life, i'm on my own. wearing a "colejiala" uniform from st. paul (NOTE: don't forget about the necktie!). in black high heels. and a look from a freshman's face, seemingly filled with anxiousness and various expectations and demanding questions in mind.

and.
waiting.
for the light rail train to arrive.

finally, after four long... minutes, it did. and board the train i did. and pretty soon i found myself strolling as fast as i can to get to school on time (after boarding the train, you have to walk, say... a few meters to get there. argh!), and blah blah blah. moving on to the good part.

i entered the classroom for my first class. and the WEIRD stuff begins. to begin with, we, the college students, are hereby ordered to never call the professors as "teachers". why? i DON'T KNOW! i'm a freshman. fresh. weird, huh?

i met new people, yeah. and currently i'm hanging out with this group of uhm... unique people. a boy-hunter. a fashionista. a tree-swinger. a goatie guy (or a guy with a goatie). and an evident womanizer. ahaha. so far we've traveled wide enough. if by wide, you mean gateway (a few stations away). lol..

the second day just keeps getting on WEIRDER. and that, i wore HIGHER heels. pretty practical, huh? for someone who got home with blisters on the feet, that is! lol... anyway, while riding this fx taxi to santolan, i just realized i was starting to have a bad day. why? ask that huge man beside me! my space was like a few inches, and my necktie (oh my!) was in disarray! due to that, while hopping out of the fx, i forgot to shut the door. and the man shot me some nasty look. hey, WASN'T MY FAULT he has to shut it himself. lol...

but i'm not done yet, see. this prof (uh-huh...) of mine in english was pure terror. he looked like peter parker *with the glasses and stuff*, only a little more serious--no, a whole lot serious. and guess what. I MISTOOK HIM FOR OUR THEOLOGY TEACH--I MEAN, PROF!! oh, the shame!! me so stupid. haha. anyway, i don't think he noticed it anyway... lesson learned: just shut up.

although today may only have been the third day of this "college" life, i've realized a few pointers to kick me off.

one, college is not about "cute" anymore. it's more like "cut". coz you're so dead tired.
two, bandages are very helpful! very true! (especially when it comes to pointy, killer shoes) oh, and don't forget to bring extras!
three, never call an lrt with your hand extending like calling a taxi. why? duh.
four, never stand up when you're reciting.
five, dorks will always be dorks. and nerds will always be nerds. so don't be a jerk. or you'll always be a jerk.
six, never mistake your english professor for your theology teacher. coz theology and english are far worlds, you know.
seven, never say ever. coz it doesn't makes sense at all.
eight, bill gates is so rich he eats rich. period.
nine, the job of an inspector is to stick a drumstick inside your bag and take it back. the end.
and numbah ten, be yourself. (everybody wears the same thing everyday in your entire attendance, and standing out is something.)

i may not know what the rest of the days will be like in this strange, unfamiliar world. i just hope it will be familiar to me one day.

dance dance,
katy.*

new haircut

2007-06-11T13:38:00.000+08:00

after waiting for two long years of mom allowing me to have a new 'do, i finally have it!

i remember the good ol' days with my long layered hair that i've been sporting since 9th grade, and it was such a bummer since i'm soooo bored with it.

i tried coloring my hair, which is why people ask me if i'm a naturally brown-haired, but it was still boring, it can put me to sleep. (NOTE: i am naturally, although dyeing my hair made it "worse").

so then, i tried maintaining my side-swept bangs which i've been keeping since a kid. (way before people think side-swept bangs are hot.) and i realized the population of gurls wearing bangs developed.

hate it.

i need to do something.

i need to convince mom.

to allow me.

to get.

a HAIRCUT.

and i finally got it!!! LOL.

here's a before and after view. wahaha.

funny. i rarely post anything about my hair. but i'm happy about it. it's new change. and change need not mean losing something, but doing something.

safe sailing,

katy.*

summer. swings. and tweaks.

2007-06-05T10:37:00.000+08:00

the doldrama - spending the last few remaining days of "no classes"
the dance - in my life - the beatles

today's june the 5th. 5 days after may, and 5 days since june.

and i'm here infront of the pc, posting another yet one of those "posts" for this "blog", with one final thought in mind. creepy. strange as it seems. devastatingly saddening, and yet still comes to one point or another: "Summer is OFFICIALLY over."

as i sigh heavily, reminiscing the days of the good ol' summer cliche, i've yet delved deeper into realizing all the stuff, in a wide range of shapes and sizes, that i've learned.

some disappointing. some exhilarating. some stirring. some grand. some wide. some still unknown. some weird. some extraordinary. some astonishing. some minute. some self-erudite. some depressing. some dismal. and some are just precisely...really weird.

so this summer, i have learned that...

... Everything happens for a reason. in this life, everything has a purpose. it may be for the betterment of yourself, or for some simple reasons anonymous. and when it's for the good of you, God doesn't care whether you're good about it or not. Why? Because He's the Boss. and you're just HIS employee. it's a good thing that you're safe and secure with one thing to be sure of. "He's got everything taken care of for you because He knows what's best."

... Some things are best saved for later. realationships? LATER.

... What goes around, comes around. no, it's not karma. it simply just"what you sow, you reap." beacuse it just is. don't you think so?

... Life is like a box of chocolates. You'll never know what you're gonna get. seriously. no fronting. it may be a line from some real huge blockbuster success, but you'll really never know. things just come and go. in and out. in timings at just the least expected.

... Practice makes... well, perfect. i think it's because i suck bad in playing the violin. so i guess i just better practice. practice. practice. and... well... practice.

... If you meet the younger sib of the guy who tore you apart, it's not you who'll feel uneasy. It's him. 'Nuff said.

... Wait. and wait some more. if you don't, you'll miss the things that are really for you. even if you think you took the right choice in giving in, soon you'll end up regretting it. like me.

finally, summer has come to an end. and either you like it or not, it just has to. hey, it will always come back for some next years. but for now, goodbye SUMMER. and hello WHATEVER.

safe sailing,
katy.*

a way somehow

2007-05-22T19:55:00.000+08:00

the doldrama ? reason uknown.
the dance ? misery business - paramore
the periwinkle sky ? i told you. it's unknown!

i watched the tyra banks show a couple of days ago, and they featured these women who wished to turn back time and change all the bad things, and bad events in their lives, and do it again one more time, the rectified way, so that they won't commit the same mistake and suffer the consequences they're actually encountering now.

kinda like "redoing" they lives.

i've yet experienced that one too. maybe more than once. maybe more than twice.

i've yet wished to turn back the time and "redo" my life.

take back everything i've said. everything i've done. everything that i've believed in. and everything that i've thrown away.

and maybe, perhaps, if it were real, i may not be so drenched in this pool of tears and mishaps.

how i wish i've just listened. and have just shut my mouth. and have done the right thing. and have loved the right person. and have believed in the right promises.

i wish i've just waited. and waited some more.

i wish i've known this would happen.

i wish i've never let him go.

i wish i don't fall too easily.

i wish i have trusted myself and my feelings.

even though i was too afraid, i could have just. couldn't i?

then i wouldn't have to feel this way.

or talk this way.

or write this way.

oh well... life's like that.

things that fly by will soon fly away if you don't grip it tight.

mystery is: will i find a way out in this bottomless pit somehow??

answer: unkown.

safe sailing,
katy.*

our existence has no trace

2007-05-18T09:41:00.000+08:00

it's been 8 days already.

and i still dont know what to say.

what to write about.

because i don't know how to feel right now.

let's just laugh it off, shall we?

lol...

twinkle the friggin's stars,
katy.*

still. breathing.

2007-05-11T13:29:00.000+08:00

the doldrama ? weird as friggin' ever.
the dance ? patterns and how they change the visible world - daphne loves derby
the lexis ? i really don't know right now. period.
the periwinkle sky ? diving deep. deep. deep.

have you ever woken up early in the morning and felt so weird you can hardly breathe? and the next thing you knew, you were wishing that you were still dreaming?

that happened to me. just this morning, i woke up feeling so weird. and the next thing i knew, i was wishing that i'm still dreaming.

still... breathing.

everything felt so awkward... i really don't know why. i really don't know how. i guess things like these really happen when you're searching for patterns and how they change the visible world. i guess there's nothing left to see.

i wish i'm still in deep slumber...

still... dreaming.

but it just doesn't seem right.
there's no reason why rain always falls on my head.
it just doesn't seem right...

at all.

count the stars,
katy.*

i'm not your star. i'm not a star.

2007-05-10T14:07:00.000+08:00

the doldroms ? uhm... pretty weird.
the dance ? thanks for the memories - fall out boy
the lexis ? "let the good times roll..."
the periwinkle sky ? counting the stars. with a star.

i was looking through my archives in my former blog, and guess what i found. a letter. to a heartbreaker. who still doesn't know he broke hers. pretty weird huh? this entry was from two years ago... yes, same guy from those years, and i couldn't help but wonder how miserable i would make my life be.

i must admit, it's really difficult remembering to forget him ever since he said goodbye to me. (NOTE: now i'm not talking about that half-pig, half-chicken). i've loved him. i've longed for him. i've missed him. and i've needed him. i still do anyway.

why don't you go check it out?

Dear Anonymous,

I still wish I was your star. So you could gaze at me when you feel all alone. So you could stare at me and know me, and how I feel. So I could cheer you up when everything's fading. But I can never be your star. I could never be the one you'll look at night, you'll wish upon, or wish to hold tight. I'm not your star. And I know that.

So I wished to be one of your satellites. But it was still the same. I could never replace your star, because she's already melting your heart, crashing your world, but somehow she still pleases you. She's your star. And I know that. She's your brilliant star. And when she gleams at you, I know that you feel like the blissful guy in the whole twilight. I wish she doesn't exist. I wish everything's a lie. I wish she's a lie. I wish she'll just burn you and your letters, so you can feel this hurt you're giving me. But still, after all these wishful thinking, a trigger fired me that I can never be your star. Not even the dimmed one. Not even the fading one.

And I'm dying. I'm dying because you never saw and you'll never see how hard it is to accept that I'm not your star.

What you didn't know is that you are my star. And you shine better than any other star. And when you smile, I know that I, looking through my drenched eyes, can see the most beautiful star ever lived. You were my star. You ARE my star. You will always be my star.

And I love this star. And I'll never let this star go. But I have to, for he has another star. So here I'll say goodbye.

Goodbye for now... I may never see you shining again, but I'd still look out at night and I'll always remember that you will never fade in my heart. Never.

Yours,
Still Anonymous.

reading it, i realized how idiosyncratic i was. then again... i still am.

oh, well... LONG LIVE MISERY!!

swing the stars,
katy.*

four days since cinco de mayo

2007-05-09T19:07:00.000+08:00

the doldroms ? i'll chalk it up to broken hearts
the dance ? decorating for cinco de mayo - kenotia
the lexis ? "...where do you go when your eyes are closed?"
the periwinkle sky ? heartbreak catastrophes *insert slashed heart here*

this song, in some ways, has affected me deeply. i guess it aids me much as i slowly find a way out of this drought. but i do know that this circumstance has a purpose for me. then again, if destiny permits, i would want him to know that he's not worth that lost.

and this song tells it all.

read it. and maybe someday, when someone steals your heart and stabs you to death, you'll see why he doesn't deserve a single pint of you at all. and everything that you are. in everyway.

I can't find a way out and the clocks are broken, leaking time.
One more second, I may die
'Cuz my wounds are open bleeding life.

You're a problem, I'll never solve.
How do I say it and let it go?

You never told me just what you wanted,
I'm only guessing you're wanting me.
I never said this is what I wanted,
A love that's shaking and all onesided.

So tell me why you have kept me here,
Empty and lifeless, afraid to leave this.
Should I stay and pretend to smile?
There's nothing for me, I need to go.

Where do you go when your eyes are closed?
Why do you waste it all for show?
Am I there when your eyes are closed?
Am I wasting it all for show?
Am I wrong? Is this wrong?
Is it a lie? You always lie.

Look at you, already gone..
But expecting me here waiting for you
when you're feeling lonely.

And I will never know why I let myself be broken.
But when this rip becomes a tear,
I 'll have lost the will for hoping.
If i stay I risk losing a part of me that i once loved.
And you're not worth that loss,
I'll chalk it up to broken hearts.
If I'm strong and I dig myself out, I'll live.

I can't find a way out and the clocks are broken, leaking time.
One more second, I may die
'Cuz my wounds are open bleeding life.
I'm not ready to give my life.

as you go, and as you sleep, remember these last words from someone who cared about you. who loved you. and who did everything for you. you're just so stupid to forget.

here lies you.
i've yet worn my black dress.
slash. slash like you do.
may you rest in pieces.
PS: i hate you.

no longer yours,
katy.*

reasons, few have i to go back again

2007-05-07T19:16:00.001+08:00

the doldroms ? i feel free!!^^
the dance ? this side - nickel creek
the lexis ? "i need... CHANGE!"
the periwinkle sky ? that there's no place to hide.

hullo. i'm back. for yet again.

i looked back at my life a few weeks ago, everything just flashed right my eyes. and i realized that all the things that happened to me... everything... mean something.

and i'm too scared to look back. i don't want to. so i found a solution to this poignant disposition of mine.

to get rid, if not rid, just slowly forget, of all the memories that passed me by, i shall leave everything behind. all the letters must be burned. all alibis must be flamed. all pictures must be deleted. everything.

including my blog. which is now, as announced, my FORMER blog.

i've been keeping that blog for three years now. and i've been attached to it since. yes. name on the wall will always be in my memories. right beside the part of my past.

so ladies and gents.
the new...
the better..
the re-edited blog of mine,
THE KATY CLICK.

swing the stars,
katy.*

a bent-trip car drive

2007-05-07T19:12:00.000+08:00

the doldrums ? uhm.. i dunno. today's a very mixed day for me. happy slightly desperate in a subtle melancholy kinda way.
the dance ? oo - updharmadown
the lexis ? "di mo lang alam..."
the periwinkle sky ? sam j. drohid

i've loved him for as long as i can remember. perhaps, in a way, i still have the exact same feelings when i am with him. the feeling of seemingly acquiring the butterflies when he looks at you straight in the eye. the feeling of taking hold of your breath when he's beside you. the feeling of impair and vast gloom everytime you just wish he knew, and that he feels the same way as you do. but you do know in fact he's incapable of that for certain anonymous reasons.

and i admit. i still do. love him.

i watched him stroll toward the car with a yellow shirt on that fit him perfectly. his hair was apparently striking, as if he just had it combed. his eyes were as eager, arriving diminutively late for a date. okay. so that's a little extreme. a meeting.

a guy friend had fun watching him wander off farther, not knowing we were inside the car. it was rather amusing how he called me up,for yet the second time, to inform me that he has arrived.

sighing, i jumped out of the car with my friend. it was a first that it was up to the three of us to make it happen. the music happen, to be exact.

we hopped inside the music room as soon as we pulled in the place. the session was indeed a productive one. usually, when we all get so confused, it gets cocky, which is the main reason why we were dawdling in adding up original materials to the band. but anyway. i filled in the bass, and even though we were only three, he said we sounded better. LOL. well, that's mutual. infact, even parallel.

it was cool. we were cool. it was fun. we had fun.

he kept making fun of me of how fragile i appear. as i have always been. i kept making fun of him of how tall he is. but of course. i do like him that way. i have this peculiar attachment for tall gorgeous guys. he liked the new song that i wrote, unknowingly that it was actually for him and no one else. he participated well in the arrangement. he even said it was great. it was a deep compliment for me. i felt great, too.

he tried impressing me in his astounding and astonishing means. and i seem cannot find what they all mean.and i cannot deny. he's amazing.

the session ended, and we hanged out by the streaming heat of the sun for a couple of minutes, and talked about heartbreak catastrophes and the likes. until my friend decided he should be going since he himself has a date of his own. the two of us just followed him anyway.
then he asked me how in the world am i going home alone, since my friend has to go already in a separate way. i told him i'll be doing fine commuting all by myself. he said no.
i said yes. he's so stubborn, and he asked me to hand him my mom's phone number. i said no. the guy's still as stubborn as ever, so he asked my friend. whom is also his friend. and he got what he wanted.

wrong dial.

haha. so, i soon gave in, handing him my phone. with triumph, he called my mom and told her to pick me up. i took the phone, and told her not to. he said no. so my mom just told him to take me home. i said i don't want to.

but he did.

we rode this fx taxi to a stop three-fourths away from home. the taxi only had two seats left. right at the back. where it's crowded a lot of times. especially with the two big people sitting beside us. and his guitar. he offered the fare ride home. although i did try to pay him back, he did not allow me to. he actually held my hand to tell me i should not. twice. i felt the tingles in my spine rush.

i unattentively stared into space for a couple of minutes, and he asked me if i was alright. i told him yeah. but i wasn't. i wanted him to believe that. he then tried taking pictures of me, i've always successfully shoved it off. he never got a good angle. LOL.

i felt as if that ride with him to tikling was indeed rather short and i wanted to take over the wheels, and drive away with him. but, as always. fantasy gets me. we stepped off. and heard a jeep conductor call out a way home.

he told me if i will be alright if he gives me the ride home now. i asked him where he will go. home, he said. and so i thanked him, and hopped on board to a typical jeepney ride. to my home. i thought he already left, but then again he peeked at the window, telling me to pull my shirt down because my darn hips are showing.

was he actually looking at it? LOL. now that's funny.

i waved him goodbye, smiling ever so secretly, my blood still rushing it's way up.

he left me restless.

he left me speechless.

he left me breathless.

he left me feeling that exact same feeling i had.

two years ago.

safe sailing,
katy.*

starving to be safe

2007-05-07T19:11:00.000+08:00

the doldrums ? uncertain
the dance ? midnight highway - daphne loves derby
the lexis ? "..you could have left sincerely yours."

today is here. here is today.
and what is today?
today is here.

i counted a few stars in the sky last night, trying to search for the east one. but i could not seem to find it. in my hopeless desperation, i sank in great grief, attempting to, for yet again, remember to forget.

i woke up the following day, (which is... today.) and then it hit me that i have not at all practiced my violin piece. sigh. so much for this poignant disposition. i guess that i just cannot focus myself in it, perhaps due to the fact that i feel profoundly slashed in this drought. i still haven't.

dead beat, i then realised that i have momentarily forgotten about the jamming with my bandmates tomorrow. i guess it's the only way to get my mind refocused anyway, so i await the day. besides, they have the ability of making me laugh.

anyway. i guess i'm just a very moody person that i want to say more. but i just can't. and that's the way it is.

today is here. here is today.
and what is today?
today is here.

the marionette drama

2007-05-07T19:07:00.000+08:00

the doldrums ? i'm a part of the batch of tears i shed every once in a while. life's too blurry. haha!
the dance ? nasaan ka - pupil
the lexis ? mahahanap din kita.
the periwinkle sky ? the twenty-eighth day of april in 2005. exactly that two years ago..

time.. just... liberately passes by. every single day. every single hour. every single minute. and every single second... just seem to.. vanish. and here. comes. may.

nah... too dramatic. let's try this one, shall we?

TIME! just! liberately passes by! every! single! day! every single hour! every single minute! and every single second! just seem to! VANISHHHH!!! and here! comes MAY!!

hmm... too.. disturbing.

time? just? liberately passes by? every single day? every single hour? every single minute? and every single second? just seem to? VANISH? and here? comes may???????

too much uncertain! let's try that cliche for yet again.

time just passes by. every single day, every single hour, every single minute, and every single second just seem to vanish. and here comes may.

very true indeed!!
i can hardly catch my breath. everything's too dramatic. i can hardly catch my breath.

Twinkle the friggin' stars,
Katy.*

TOP TEN SIGNS To Know If You Miss Somebody So Bad

2007-04-13T16:56:00.000+08:00

yep, from the big title itself, here are the TOP TEN SIGNS when you're missing somebody so bad, it hurts, written by no other than the Geeky Writer... moi!!
first let's start off with...

10. You take momentary pauses for you are being unmercifully reminded that you do miss someone.
09. You suddenly forget about eating. Which normally isn't your thang.
08. You can't sleep.
07. You are tempted to send multiple SMSs to that someone. In the middle of the night. When everyone's asleep.
06. You search photos of an ultimate Hollywood hottie to help you forget him. You can't.
05. You talk less.
04. You reminisce more.
03. You can't concentrate. 'Nuff said.
02. You see pictures in your dreams. (Huh???)
01. Well... you feel this impulsive, vile, undefined sentiment where you are atrociously being stabbed to a bottomless pit of despair and hopelessness and catastrophic desolation.

and somehow... you just can't get out of it... can you...? ;(

i really don't know what to put in here so i guess this one's the title

2007-04-13T15:54:00.000+08:00

hey guys... sigh. I'M BACK!! with yet again another post!!

hrrmmm... let's see.. what to tell..? well... a while ago, i was curiously looking back at my previous song compositions that i constantly place inside a nifty clear book (ya know. the ones with them plastic ones that cover most flat paper materials filed inside a tasteless binder). and there i was.. cautiuosly skimming through it. AND THEN....

AND THEN...

I FOUND IT!!!

WELL... i've never really lost it. i was just kidding around.

but what surprises me well is that... this song... the whole song.. it's just sooo amazing that i was able to express myself and everything that i felt during that time of depression, two years ago. everything was so teary and blurred. i guess this song just helped me move on and open my heart in different dimensions. this time, in respect to who i really am, and not what i'm trying to be to prove something that evidently ruined me.

'course, it's A-OVER now. i'm finally back, and as happy as ever. i found that someone who loves me for me, and not for my name or my face. i finally did.

but, i'll never stop listening to this song, even if those things no longer matter to me.
it's a song that my older brother (jigs, vox:miza) and i wrote. well... he penned the chorus part, but he thought i'll be doing better with it, 'cuz them lyrics in the refrain sounds a bit like life in me. so i took it, and concentrated real hard. and poof! like a breakfast cereal, it became a SONG.
i was scribbling anything that flows. when i was done writing it, kuya jigs listened to it, and it was a fab. (note: FAB. and not... well.. flab?)

and now, i'm here. once again, listening to it. i'm hoping that when people listen to it in the near future (when i'm selling records now... whew.. hey. dream big, right?), they are going to internalize the words and what it speaks of, and just... relate to it, you know? it's kinda that way...

we recorded the song in a softy in the PC. this song is called SUMMER ROMANCE (i know it sounds familiar. yes, incubus has that title too, but in pure disclosure, i have no intention of making a replica of it. tell that to because of you by keith martin [the national anthem of 2004] and because of you by kelly clarkson [rebel high?])

anyway, i'm supposed to embed the file in here, so you guys can listen to it crooning. but maybe later, when i figure out how. LOL.

so i guess, that's buh-bye for now!!^^

First comes first

2007-04-13T15:45:00.000+08:00

So this is my first post eh?

Well.. I'm not really new in first posts, considering that I have had a first blog, which I've been keeping for, like, three years now. But I'd love to have changes, so I tried this one out. Silly, huh?

Hhrrmm.. Let's see.. How do I start this one now? Well, I'm Katy. I'm 16 years old and I'm from the Philippines. Yey! I'm starting bio-data now!! LOL.

Anyway, my main interests are music and photography. I play the guitar, the keyboard, sing, and soon I'll be doing violins now! I write songs which is my way of outputting my emotions and moods. Apparently, I write about everything: love, hatred (i think I write better hate songs than love songs.. hihi!), anger, horror.. uh, do I have to say everything? 'Cause I mean, EVERYTHING.

I guess, being an art enthusiast, I've delve deep into photograhy also. I just love taking pictures. Even pictures of people I don't even know!!

Oh, well... Maybe that's life. And that's me. :3